| BACK TO SCRIPTS | ROBINSON CRUSOE SAMPLE 6F+8M |
| SCENE 1 BRISTOL HARBOUR Curtain up on busy harbour scene, a raised quay stands across rear of stage with steps in the centre and a ship, the HMS Endeavour, can be seen beyond it, either a built one or painted on a backdrop. Buildings stand to left and right barrels, crates, sacks and other stuff you could expect to see on a dockside decorate stage. SONG 1 Lively chorus number sung by TOWNSPEOPLE and SAILORS. SALLY enters on quay, right and comes to top of steps. SALLY: Ahoy there me hearties! CHORUS: Ahoy there, Sally! SALLY comes down steps and moves forward. SALLY: Everyone shipshape and Bristol fashion? CHORUS: Yes. SALLY: Oh marvellous. (notices AUDIENCE) Well bless me barnacles, the place is full of minnows. Ahoy there me hearties, welcome to Bristol Town, greatest port in all the world, apart from the type you get in a bottle. Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Sally, Sally the Sailor, ships cook of the HMS Endeavour. Now I know what you’re all thinking, you’re thinking, “what is this young slip of a girl doing serving food on a Royal Ship-of-the-line?” CHORUS laugh. SAILOR 1: You, a young slip of a girl? SAILOR 2: You must be joking. SAILOR 3: The only ship you should be on is a whaler, after you’ve been harpooned. CHORUS laugh loudly. SALLY: You cheeky crayfish. (to AUDIENCE) Ignore them, me hearties, they’re just jealous because Commodore Humphrey Hamilton – him that’s in charge of the Endeavour – thinks I’m the best cook on all the seven seas. I get to eat at the same table as the Commodore, not whilst he’s there, but it’s more than this lot gets. Now, would anyone here like to join the British Navy? AUDIENCE: Yes. SALLY: You don’t sound too sure, would you like to join the British Navy? AUDIENCE: Yes. SALLY: That’s better. Now the first thing you need to do is learn a bit of sailor humour, so I’m going to teach you a couple of jokes. Now the first joke is this, I’ll come on and shout out “What do you say to a pirate boy who wants to get fit?” and you all shout back, “Join a gym, lad”. Have you got that? AUDIENCE: Yes. SALLY: Let’s have a practice. What do you say to a pirate boy who wants to get fit? AUDIENCE+CHORUS: Join a gym, lad. SALLY: Oh well done, me hearties, that’s the first joke, here’s the second joke, I’ll come on and shout out, “What’s a pirate’s favourite letter?” and you shout back “R”! Let’s practice that one. What’s a pirate’s favourite letter? AUDIENCE+CHORUS: R! SALLY: Now let’s put the two together. What do you say to a pirate boy who wants to get fit? AUDIENCE+CHORUS: Join a gym, lad. SALLY: And what’s a pirate’s favourite letter? AUDIENCE+CHORUS: R! SALLY: Wonderful, you’re all now sailors in the British Navy, and you thought you’d have to learn about knots and stuff. It’s a good thing you’ve joined up today because we’re about to take a voyage and you might have missed us. I don’t know where we’re going but the Commodore will be here later to tell us all about it. Rumour has it that it’s a very dangerous mission, something to do with pirates. CHORUS: (fearfully) Pirates? SALLY: So I’ve heard, but not to worry, if we have stout hearts, hold to our honour and fire our cannons before they do, I’m sure we’ll win the day. SONG 2 Short cheerful number sung by SALLY and CHORUS. Song finishes, CHORUS exits to wings. ROBINSON enters right. ROBINSON: Ahoy there, Sally. SALLY: Ahoy there, Robinson. (to AUDIENCE) This is Robinson Crusoe, boys and girls, he works with me in the galley, that’s a kitchen to you land folk. (to ROBINSON) And how are you today, all shipshape and Bristol fashion? ROBINSON: Couldn’t be better, in fact I’m so happy I could just sing. SALLY: You’d better not love, the chorus have only just finished the opening number and they’ve sung a song with me and it’s only scene one, it’s best not to work them too much, they get confused. But why are you in such a good mood, you haven’t been at the rum again have you? ROBINSON: No, I’ve just got a really good feeling about today. I’ve finally made the decision, today I’m going to pop the question to the Commodore. SALLY: Are you sure, I don’t think you’re his type. Mind you he is in the navy, and you do have nice legs. ROBINSON: Not that question, I mean I’m going to ask him to make me into a midshipman. I’m fed up with working in the galley, I want to be an officer and then one day a captain of my own ship. SALLY: I wish you the best of luck, but you know the Commodore, he’s very particular about who he has as officers, you have to have the right education and genes. ROBINSON: I’m not sure about the jeans, I never did look good in denim, but I’m sure I could get someone to give me a proper education. SALLY: Well until you do you’re still working with me in the galley, and we’ll be sailing soon and we haven’t bought any supplies yet. (SALLY hands ROBINSON a list) Now this is for you, you get everything on this list, you’ll find it all on that side of town, (points left) and I’ll get everything on the other side of town and we’ll meet back here later. ROBINSON: Aye, Sally. SALLY: And no dawdling, the Commodore will never make you midshipman if you dawdle. SALLY exits left. As ROBINSON speaks he moves to stage left. ROBINSON: (looking at list) Look at the length of this list, it’s going to take me ages to find all this stuff on my own. I hope I won’t have to work this hard when I’m an officer. (SKULL and BONES enter right carrying FRIDAY in a sack.) Wait a minute, what’s this? Pirates! (ROBINSON crouches behind crate left. SKULL and BONES carry FRIDAY onto the quay, they then make to throw FRIDAY into the water.) What on earth are they up to? It must be no good if it’s anything to do with pirates. FRIDAY struggles and says something muffled in his own language.) There’s someone in there, I’ve got to do something? (Loudly and in posh English accents) I say chaps, look up there on the quay! By Jove, some jolly pirates up to no good! (SKULL and BONES stop what they’re doing and look around nervously) Call out the marines, huzzah! SKULL: I ain’t staying around for this! BONES: But the Cap’n said we had to chuck this dog in the dock. SKULL: To Davy Jones with the Cap’n, I ain’t staying to fight no marines. SKULL runs off right, BONES hesitates for a moment. ROBINSON: There’s only one left chaps, get the blighter! (BONES’ courage fails and he runs off right. ROBINSON stands up laughing) Stupid pirates, they’ll fall for anything. Now to see who’s in that sack. ROBINSON goes onto quay and opens sack, FRIDAY jumps out ready for a fight. FRIDAY: Oooka pooka dakka jig! ROBINSON: I say a foreigner, well not to worry, we Brits know exactly how to communicate with foreigners. (talking loudly and slowly and pointing a lot) My name is Robinson Crusoe, welcome to our country. FRIDAY: I speak your language, pirate scum, now make your farewells to your family and friends for today you die! FRIDAY makes some sort of martial art type move. ROBINSON: Hey, I’m not a pirate, in fact I just rescued you from pirates. FRIDAY: It is true that I have never before seen your face amongst the crew of One-Eye Jack. (sniffs) And you do not stink of rum…very well, I will accept your claim. Through next speeches ROBINSON and FRIDAY come off quay and move forward. ROBINSON: Phew, that’s a relief. Just a minute, One-Eye Jack? You mean those pirates were members of his crew? FRIDAY: Indeed. ROBINSON: Why were they trying to drown you? FRIDAY: One-Eye Jack and his crew have plagued my people for many years, stealing our food and our gold, but then came the final insult. They kidnapped the princess of my people and I will not rest until I have rescued her or I have died in the attempt. ROBINSON: Gosh, you must like her a lot. My name’s Robinson Crusoe. FRIDAY: (bowing) An honour to meet you Robinson Crusoe, my name is Oonkawallahookpakdo, a warrior of my tribe. You have saved my life this day, now I must stay by your side until I have saved yours. ROBINSON: Really? FRIDAY: Honour demands it. ROBINSON: Listen Oonkawal…Oon…walla…I’ll never remember that name. What do your friends call you? FRIDAY: Oonkawallahookpakdo. ROBINSON: Family? FRIDAY: Oonkawallahookpakdo. ROBINSON: Wife, girlfriend, life-partner? FRIDAY: Oonkawallahookpakdo. ROBINSON: I know, do you have a nickname? FRIDAY: I do. ROBINSON: Great, what is it? FRIDAY: Dookapakkasakkawakka Oonkawallahookpakdo. ROBINSON: That’s worse, I’ll never remember that either. I know, it’s tradition in the British Empire that every time we come across something foreign that we don’t like we change it. So, I’ll give you a new nickname. Now let me see…I know, today’s Friday, so in honour of the day we met I’ll call you Friday. FRIDAY: Acceptable. ROBINSON: Great. Now, Friday, are you sure about this whole staying with me until you’ve saved my life thing. FRIDAY: I am. ROBINSON: Well in that case, Friday, you can help me with this shopping list, we’ve got to sail soon. FRIDAY: Shopping list? This is not the task of a warrior. ROBINSON: Maybe not, but if we work hard enough then maybe one day we’ll get more honourable task to do. FRIDAY: Then come, Robinson Crusoe, together, we shop! ROBINSON and FRIDAY exit right. LADY BRUNELLA and BONNIE enter left. BONNIE immediately goes onto the quay and begins looking at the Endeavour interestedly. BRUNELLA: Well here we are, Bonnie, I believe that’s the HMS Endeavour, we’ll just wait… BONNIE: It is the Endeavour, I recognised it immediately, a forty four gunner, she’s one of the finest ships in the fleet… BRUNELLA: Bonnie, come down from there immediately. BONNIE: But Mother, it’s not every day you get to see a frigate like this. BRUNELLA: I don’t care, you are a high-class lady looking for a husband, you should be interested in clothes and hair, not ships and guns. And how many times have I told you not to use that word in public, high-class ladies looking for husbands do not say “frigate”. Now come down at once. BONNIE: But I can’t see the poop from down there. BRUNELLA: Bonnie! (BONNIE reluctantly comes off quay) Why can’t you be more like me and less like your father? I know how to behave in company. Now, Commodore Humphrey Hamilton will be arriving soon, and I don’t need to tell you how good a husband he will make for you. He comes from a very wealthy seafaring family, and I expect you to be married to him. BONNIE: But I don’t want to marry him, he’s old and such a bore. BRUNELLA: Bonnie, you will marry an officer and gentleman whether you like him or not, and besides, the Commodore comes highly recommended. BONNIE: But I don’t care if he’s an officer and a gentleman, I want to marry someone I fall in love with. BRUNELLA: Tough, now I expect you to be on your best behaviour when the Commodore arrives, a nice lady-like smile and no pouting. BONNIE: (sadly) Yes, Mother. BRUNELLA: That’s better, now I’m going to find someone who’ll take us to our rooms. BONNIE: Quarters. BRUNELLA: I beg your pardon? BONNIE: They’re called quarters, not rooms. Can I talk to all the boys and girls whilst you’re gone? BRUNELLA: If you must, just so long as you don’t touch any of them, they don’t look very clean. BRUNELLA exits left. BONNIE: Hello boys and girls, I feel I must apologise for my Mother’s behaviour, she can be a little rude sometimes. She’s not a bad person really, just a bit snobbish, and she’s obsessed with finding me a proper husband. I would like to get married one day, but to someone that I like, rather than someone that my Mother has chosen for me. And I want someone who’s going to treat me like an equal, like my father used to do. He taught me all about sailing and life in the Navy, I just wish that I could follow in his footsteps. SONG 3 Lively girlie number sung by BONNIE with possible help from children who enter from wings and then exit after song has finished. Song finishes BONNIE goes onto quay and studies ship. ROBINSON and FRIDAY enter right carrying packages of food. ROBINSON: Phew, we made it in time, thanks for your help, Friday. FRIDAY: An honour, Robinson Crusoe. ROBINSON notices BONNIE. ROBINSON: Hello, who’s this? (importantly) Excuse me, madam, civilians aren’t allowed up there. Coming down from quay. BONNIE: Oh sorry, I was just looking. Do you serve on the Endeavour? ROBINSON: Oh no, I’m just carrying the food for a friend, I’m an officer of the Endeavour, I don’t serve food. BONNIE: (unsure) Ok. She’s a fine ship. ROBINSON: Oh yeah, it’s a beauty alright, twin rudders, tinted sails, alloy ships wheel and a kicking sound system. BONNIE: Ok. So, how many knots will she do? ROBINSON: Depends on how much rope we’re carrying. BONNIE: No, I mean how fast is she? ROBINSON: It depends on which she you’re talking about, most girls I know want commitment. BONNIE: No, I mean how fast is the Endeavour? ROBINSON: Faster than it used to be now that we’ve got a red stripe painted down the side of the body bit. BONNIE: Hull. ROBINSON: Never been there, I hear it’s the source of all evil. BONNIE: You don’t know anything about sailing, do you. ROBINSON: (ashamed) No. BONNIE: And you’re not really an officer. ROBINSON: No, I work in the galley. BONNIE: Well that’s nothing to be ashamed of, you should be proud to be working in the galley. A ship wouldn’t get very far if the sailors didn’t have someone to feed them. ROBINSON: I suppose so, but I want to be a midshipman. I want to experience all the adventure of the high seas, battling pirates, searching for lost treasure, not cooped up in the galley peeling potatoes. BONNIE: I think you need a little more knowledge about sailing to be a midshipman. But I know what you mean, I’d love to go to sea and have adventures, but being a girl I’m supposed to dress up pretty and get married to a gentleman. ROBINSON: How do you know so much about ships? BONNIE: My father was an Admiral, he taught me everything, much to my Mother’s disapproval. If you like I could teach you, that way at least one of us should have a chance of reaching their dream. ROBINSON: Thanks for the offer, but we’ll be sailing soon. BONNIE: I know, we’re coming with you. The Commodore is taking Mother and I to Jamaica, so we’ll be onboard for quite a while. ROBINSON: In that case I except your offer, thank you. (puts down packages and holds out hand) My name’s Robinson Crusoe. BONNIE: (shaking hand) Bonnie. ROBINSON: And this is my friend, Friday. BONNIE: Hello. FRIDAY puts down his packages and bows. FRIDAY: An honour to meet you, Mistress Bonnie. BONNIE: He’s very polite. ROBINSON: He’s foreign. BONNIE: Oh I see. BRUNELLA enters left. BRUNELLA: Get away from my daughter at once you ruffians! BONNIE: Mother, they weren’t doing any harm, they were just saying hello. BRUNELLA: I don’t care what they were doing, I will not have a grubby little commoner and some half-naked savage talking to my daughter. What’s your name boy? ROBINSON: Robinson Crusoe, I serve on the Endeavour. BRUNELLA: An officer I hope. ROBINSON: No, my lady, I work in the galley. BRUNELLA: The galley?! BONNIE: Mother, Robinson was being a perfect gentleman. BRUNELLA: I don’t care what he was being, he can be what ever he wants to be, as long as he doesn’t be it with my daughter. Now get away from here or I’ll have you put in the ship’s prison. BONNIE: Brig. BRUNELLA: Watch your language. (Sound of sailor’s whistle. SAILORS enter from wings.) What on earth is going on now? BONNIE: They’re gathering the crew so they can set sail. SALLY enters left. SALLY: What do we say to a pirate boy who wants to get fit? AUDIENCE: Join a gym, lad. SALLY: And what a pirates favourite letter? AUDIENCE: R! LIEUTENANT LACKEY enters left. LACKEY: (shouting) All hands, prepare for Commodore Humphrey Hamilton; attention! (SAILORS, ROBINSON, FRIDAY and SALLY get into line and stand to attention. BRUNELLA and BONNIE stand at end of line stage right, BONNIE is next to ROBINSON. COMMODORE enters left.) All hands ready for inspection, Sir! LACKEY salutes. COMMODORE: Thank you, Lackey. (COMMODORE begins walking along line inspecting the SAILORS.) Well you’re a fine looking crew, a fine looking crew indeed. (gets to girls) What the devil…? Lackey! LACKEY: (salutes) Sir! COMMODORE: There’re fillies in my crew, you know I can’t be having fillies in my crew, it makes the men go all queer. Odd that. Remove them at once! LACKEY: Sir! All hands prepare to repel fillies! SAILORS make a grab for girls. BRUNELLA: Commodore, don’t you remember me? COMMODORE: Can’t say that I do. Lackey, do you remember these fillies? LACKEY: Can’t say that I do, Sir. BRUNELLA: Oh but you must, Commodore, don’t you remember, you were to take my daughter and I to Jamaica. COMMODORE: Jamaica? What the blazes is in Jamaica? LACKEY: Jamaicans, Sir. COMMODORE: (laughing) Oh well done, Lackey. LACKEY: Thank you, Sir. BRUNELLA: You said you were going to Jamaica because you had a very important mission there. COMMODORE: Mission? Ah yes, I remember now, and now that you come to mention it you do have a familiar bearing, don’t you agree, Lackey? LACKEY: Yes Sir, now that you come to mention it, Sir, she does have a familiar bearing, Sir. COMMODORE: You wanted to introduce me to your daughter, it’s all coming back now, isn’t that right, Lackey. LACKEY: Yes Sir, it’s all coming back now, Sir, clear as crystal, Sir. COMMODORE: (looking at SALLY) So, this must be your daughter, ah, yes I see the resemblance. BRUNELLA: No Commodore, (indicating BONNIE) this is my daughter. COMMODORE: Really? But she’s pretty. Are you sure you’re not thinking of another girl? BRUNELLA: (outraged) No I most certainly am not! COMMODORE: (looking at SALLY) Then who the devil is this then? SALLY: I’m the ship’s cook you daft old codfish, I’ve served with you for years. COMMODORE: Oh yes, I remember you, nice dumplings if I remember rightly. Isn’t that right, Lackey? LACKEY: Yes, Sir, finest dumplings on all the seven seas, Sir. SALLY: So what’s this very important mission? COMMODORE: Mission? What mission? What’s that mad cook talking about, Lackey? LACKEY: No idea, Sir, the woman’s completely off her rocker, Sir. SALLY: You said that we had a very important mission in Jamaica. COMMODORE: Did I? (thinks for a moment) Oh yes, so I did, don’t you remember, Lackey? LACKEY: Oh yes, Sir, every word, Sir, very important mission in Jamaica, Sir. SALLY: So what is it? COMMODORE: What is what? SALLY: (losing patience) The mission! COMMODORE: Oh that, yes terrible affair, it seems as though the dreaded pirate, One-Eye Jack is abroad. ROBINSON: The dreaded pirate One-Eye Jack is a broad? Shouldn’t she be called One-Eye Jacqueline then? ROBINSON, SALLY, BONNIE, FRIDAY and SAILORS laugh. BRUNELLA: What a tiresome young man, come away from him Bonnie. BRUNELLA pulls BONNIE away from ROBINSON. COMMODORE: As I was saying before I was interrupted, the dreaded pirate One-Eye Jack is a…is at large in the West Indies, our job is to apprehend the fellow and then… ROBINSON: ...get the West Outies. ROBINSON, SALLY, BONNIE, FRIDAY and SAILORS laugh. COMMODORE: …get the West Outies. What?! No! Who said that? LACKEY: You did, Sir. COMMODORE: Before me Lackey, who said it before me? LACKEY: Crusoe, Sir, Robinson Crusoe. COMMODORE: Crusoe? Bring him forward, Lackey. LACKEY: Sir! Crusoe, two steps forward! (ROBINSON takes two steps forward) Attention! (ROBINSON stands to attention) Robinson Crusoe standing ready, Sir. COMMODORE: Thank you, Lackey. Well Crusoe, I don’t think I’ve seen you around before, what’s your position? ROBINSON: Two steps forward, Sir. COMMODORE: No you fool, what’s your position on the Endeavour? SALLY: He works with me in the galley, Commodore. ROBINSON: Hoping to become midshipman, Sir. COMMODORE: Midshipman? You? You’re nothing but a common boy. No, it’s the galley for you or nothing. ROBINSON: (disappointed) Yes, Sir. BONNIE: Never mind Robinson, I’m sure you’ll make it one day. BRUNELLA: Come away from him, Bonnie. BONNIE: (disappointed) Yes, Mother. COMMODORE: Now see here crew, One-Eye Jack is a despicable fellow, he and his pirates have been terrorising shipping lanes for years, but now the British Empire has decided that it’s time we put a stop to it, so they’ve chosen the finest crew and the finest ship in the British Navy to hunt the scoundrel down and put the blighter behind bars once and for all. So look lively, we sail for Jamaica within the hour! SONG 4 Big nautical number performed by all. |
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